Clarity of Narnia

"But long before she got anywhere near the edge, the voice behind her said, 'Stand still; in a moment I will blow. But first, remember, remember, remember the signs. Say them to yourself when you wake in the morning & when you lie down at night & when you wake in the middle of the night. And whatever strange thing may happen to you, let nothing turn your mind from following the signs. And secondly, I give you a warning. Here on the mountain I have spoken to you clearly: I will not often do so in Narnia. Here on the mountain the air is clear and your mind is clear; as you drop down into Narnia the air will thicken. Take great care that it does not confuse your mind. And the signs which you have learned here will not look at all as you expect them to look when you meet them there. That is why it is important to know them by heart and pay no attention to appearances. Remember the signs and believe the signs nothing else matters."             C.S. Lewis from "The Silver Chair"

   

I'm standing on the brink of a decision. My heart has already made it...now it's a matter of wrapping my head around it. Lewis' words that we read in our last gender time at Beyond already resonate within me--the mountaintop clarity was true this summer both literally & figuratively--and already the "air has thickened." I find myself only days away from Beyond trying to remember all the things I learned and to fit it into the framework that is life in Seattle. It's a struggle.

All summer I wrapped my head around no longer being a school counselor. Facing the unknown, I experienced a great sense of peace...even excitement. Now I am wrestling with how to put into practice the very things that I thought I had made peace with over the summer. Does it make sense to walk away from a promised job into the great unknown? Maybe not, but that's exactly what I'm thinking of doing. I am grateful for so many people who are supporting me through this decision in the most gracious of ways--asking if I want advice and gently restraining when I say no. It's a decision only I can make, yet I wish someone could tell me exactly what to do.

This summer I did gain clarity on the types of things I love to do. Now, where things aren't quite as clear, I need to figure out what exactly that looks like. I'm excited. I'm scared--petrified really. But I will "remember the signs." They have not much to do with career & work. They have to do with promises--of grace, mercy & unconditional love. Regardless of what career I choose, these signs remain the same. Things might not be quite as clear here as they are in the "thin space" of Beyond--but the promises remain the same. In the midst of this great unknown, those are the things I cling to.